I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
