i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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