Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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