we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
