Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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