a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
