there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
