have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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