After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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