just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
