Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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