I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
