Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
