i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
