My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
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