What did we do last night that was yellow?
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
