The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
