u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
