forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
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