Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
we're making bets on your personal life
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
