dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
