What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
