Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
