my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
