what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
