sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
