Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
