Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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