I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
