why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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