Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
