If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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