the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
