grandma shit on top of the toilet
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
