If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
only you would photoshop your dick
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
