A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
