Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
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