I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
