then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
