Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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