Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
All I want is dick and wine.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
