Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
