pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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