he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
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