Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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