Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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