do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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