i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
