he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize