But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
