Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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