Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
