Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
