Taylor Swift is so right about you.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Randomize