It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
