My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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