how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
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