is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
