The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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