I must be too annoying 4 u.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize