Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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