I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
