Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
