already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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