I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
