last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
tell me about the fingering
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
