my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize