i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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