nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Randomize
