TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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