3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
