dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
this beer tastes like vomit already
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
my poor anus
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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